i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sobbing to NWA
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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