i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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