if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
