Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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