May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
