shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
