So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
