I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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