Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
