Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
