they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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