I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
