I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
