LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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