halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
