In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's rum buckets o'clock
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
