some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I could fuck to npr.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
