you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
