I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
