if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Couch. On fire.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
