Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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