you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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