Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
