Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Randomize
