direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
