FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
