Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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