Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
