I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
