i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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