Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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