Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
