there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
