I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
