can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
