Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
