Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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