if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
