uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
