i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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