Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is Oprah even human
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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