god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
