Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
