so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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