Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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