What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
