I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
