Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just come out here and I will go home with you...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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