So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
