tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
