waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
