idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
