First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
