atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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