alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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