Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
