I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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