I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
