now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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