I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
